| Hyperactive Child? Or is it a Hypoactive
We have all seen
kids who don’t seem to know how to behave. In fact, there are now
even popular TV shows about these types of kids and how to deal with
them. You see these kids in restaurants, preschools, stores, and
doctors’ offices. They run around screaming, biting, and
dismantling property. They are basically a pain in everyone’s
When you see a child
acting this way, the first impression you may have is that the child is
hyperactive. However, you may be very wrong.
Take another look at
the parent who is with the child and a close look at the
Does the parent
tell the child to stop the undesirable behavior?
Is there a
consequence if the behavior continues?
Is the parent in
charge, or is the child in control?
Is the parent
embarrassed, yet remains immobilized?
Does the parent
make excuses for the behavior but does nothing to correct it?
If you answered yes
to any of the above, you are looking at a hypoactive parent — a
parent who is not involved enough in guiding his or her child’s
behaviors. If you are the parent, now is the time to take
There are many
reasons for the explosion of hypoactive parents. Over half of all
marriages end in divorce. Separated parents blame each other for the
lack of parenting. Each believes the other should do more of the work
or at least help out. Many parents work long hours and don’t have
enough energy in reserve to parent.
Some parents are
afraid that if they set rules or employ discipline, they will lose
their child’s love. Some parents feel the need to make up for the
difficult time they and the child are having handling a divorce or
All of these reasons
are poor excuses for having an out-of-control child. In the long run
you will find your child’s bad behavior more exhausting and
detrimental to your relationship than taking an active parenting role.
can you change the picture?
Don't get into a
Don't tell the child
he is bad; tell him you don't like the behavior.
when you’re angry. (If you control the behavior as soon as it
starts you won't have time to get angry.)
If you don’t
overreact to a tantrum, there is less chance this behavior will
continue. Parents who give in to tantrums get a repeat performance.
a parent is a hard job, but someone has to do it.
If you set limits on
your child’s behavior you will not lose his or her love. On the
contrary he will feel more loved for your limit setting and
more accepted by peers and teachers. He will know you really did care
and set him on the right path.
You do not want to
have your child incorrectly labeled. If your child is truly hyperactive
there is help for them. However, be sure to have proper screening done
before this label is attached to any child. Consult with the school
psychologist or have your pediatrician recommend a professional for you
who can provide proper screening.
Many poor behaviors
can also be reversed. Get the help you need now.